How LSD helped me with anxiety.

I always have a fear of trying new drugs, but eventually end up doing them when I am comfortable enough. I try not to experiment new drugs under peer pressure. This does not put me on some high moral ground but it definitely makes me feel like I am in control.

If you are doing it anyways, you should rather do it on your own terms. That’s my philosophy.

Anxiety and depression runs in my family and I couldn’t escape it either. Added to this, after graduating from college, I had been caught up in my thoughts a lot and more than two persons in a room would just make me anxious and want to leave the room. This has changed over time, partial thanks to LSD.

I have heard all the experiences my friends had on acid and in fact I have pampered them while they were tripping. They seemed amused, happy and sad, all in one trip. I wanted to experience it as well. Just waiting for the right time.

I will quote two of my LSD experiences and how both of them helped me cope with my anxiety. In fact, one of the trip was a bad trip as they say. However, I recovered from that and had a life changing experience.

One random day, my childhood friend came to visit me and we decided to slip some acid. I was always keen if I were to do it I would do it with my closest buddy.

It took an hour to kick in. It wasn’t like any other drug I have done before. It was euphoric at first. I touched the ground and my hands felt like melting in the ground. You could make images out of patterns that otherwise wouldn’t matter. We couldn’t stop laughing when we tried to talk about it while we were tripping. Unlike other drugs like alcohol which are social in nature, LSD is very personal. After a while we were just tripping on our own thoughts and tried talking about it in between.

The thoughts kept swirling from time to time. Moods kept changing. Music is the important simulator in all this. Moods and thoughts changed depending on music. It is recommended to not play loud and weird music! And ideally one person who is not tripping should take care of your surroundings. We had one lad with us to do that. Some bad thoughts came in as well, anxiety rushed in as well but it all went away. The feeling of being powerless on this trip made me realize that we are not in control on many things in our life that we believe we are. Its better at times to let things pass.

We tripped in my house. After a while, we needed to get outside so we strolled outside in the streets. It was 6 am in the morning. I have never felt that connected to the nature before. The trees in distance were waving at us. Birds were singing to us. I stared for a long time. At the sky, at the trees, at every living thing around me. At this point I realized, life is a spiritual gift to us. To experience all the perfections and imperfections of the world. To experience all the emotions. Life can be intimidating at times but we do not need to be scared of it and should embrace all emotions.

The next morning after the trip everything seemed a little clearer for some reason. Life seemed important. I was thankful for my life. I stopped worrying about little things. Life had changed somehow.

This is not short of a horror story to me. It wasn’t beautiful as the first one. It was a bad trip!. Primarily because of Set and Setting concept on acid tripping. I wasn’t ready to trip and the setting to do it wasn’t ideal either. I and my cousin did it in his house, while his parents were sleeping downstairs. Clearly the stupidest time to do it. We tried to micro dose but somehow our parts had concentrated acid.

This trip was full of confusion and madness. There wasn’t anyone who was taking care of the music as the first one. I couldn’t go out of the room as well since there were parents in the house. I was stuck. At one point I wanted to get out of this trip but I just couldn’t. I felt like my body and self was crushing. If I closed my eyes, everything seemed to start falling down. I could hear sounds of destruction. It felt like the Day of Judgment. I couldn’t formulate a thought. I couldn’t speak. I started to forget who I was. Luckily I wasn’t doing it alone. I tried to retrieve my memory of who I was with the help of my cousin.

I finally calmed down. Started formulating my thoughts. It felt like I was reborn. My ego was completely crushed from this experience. I was thankful again for my life. I was more to close to my family after this experience. Tackling anxiety has been easier after this nightmare. Anything would be easier after this.

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