The Window to Intention

We have heard it said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. I suggest the language we use is the window to our intention. We can learn to listen and hear what is said and what is not said, which is often more accurate.

Chad and Katie were having coffee, and in the discussion, Chad noticed Katie was looking fit and healthy. She related she had changed her nutritional plan and was working out four times a week to increase cardio and strength. Chad was impressed and said, “I need to work out more.” Katie, listening, heard: “I have no intention of working out, but I want you to think I may at some point.” She heard accurately. Chad was just making conversation. He had no intention of working out. Chad went on to tell Katie that he was indecisive, and that he was stepping into being decisive more often. Nice and vague, with no real intention of change. Katie picked up on that as she listened. She asked Chad when he would begin working out and what his plan looked like. Oh oh, nailed. She also asked him what “being more decisive” would look like, how would anyone know, how would it be measured. We so often throw out statements we do not mean and hope the other person will not look deeper. Chad has the choice to be offended, to ignore or to actually answer her questions and take action. Chad chose to take action and they agreed to coffee in a week to check in with each other.

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